Monday, April 04, 2005

Groping Stuart MacLean

I hate daylight savings. You'd think that by my age it would cease to sneak up on me - like that crazy man who smells like urine on the 504 streetcar - but no, every stinkin' year I am amazed by its arrival. This year was no exception.

I had a date to meet my friend SaRo from Ottawa for brunch at Future's, at 11am. My alarm went off at 10, giving me what I thought to be ample time to shower, check my e-mail, iron my socks, etc. Oh fine, I didn't acutally get out of bed until three snooze buttons later, but still - ample time! Turn on the computer...only to face a moment of sheer, gut-dropping panic as I realize my desktop StrongBad clock (who never lies) says it's 11:30. Rub the eyes, look over at the alarm clock, look back at the computer. Don't think 'oh, it's daylight savings', think 'oh, I must have changed the time on my clock when I set my alarm last night' and start getting dressed as fast as you can. I didn't clue in to what had really happened until I heard (alright, eavesdropped on) pope-mourning church ladies on the subway.

Anyway, I arrive at Future's, desperately late, desperately looking around the extremely crowded place to see if I could spot SaRo. No luck. I scored a table near the door and sat down to await her phone call/arrival (important detail for the anal-retentive: I had no number for where she was staying). After half an hour of waiting, I give up and go order breakfast. Two bites into my breakfast, another friend, JeHa, randomly walks in. We exclaim. Hug. She sits down to watch me eat and tell me a story.

She had come to Future's directly from Book City. At Book City she was attempting to buy a birthday present for LaTr, another mutual friend. While approaching the cash register to purchase said birthday present, she noticed that standing by the till was none other than Stuart MacLean. Deciding not to be a spaz and run up to say: "remembermeImetyoutwoyearsagoatRyersonIreallylikeyourstuffyou'retotallygreat"
She waited until he had departed the store. After he left, she went up to the till, said to the checkout person, "Hey. That was Stuart MacLean, wasn't it". They had a bonding moment, geekery-style and then JeHa's phone rings. She answers it, and it's LaTr - who absolutely CANNOT know that JeHa is in a bookstore, or the birthday surprise will be hooped. LaTr says, 'Hey, where are ya?' JeHa stalls wildly and says, "Errrr...uh...yeah, guess what? I totally just saw Stuart MacLean!" And as she speaks she notices that the man himself had re-entered the store and was standing right beside her. Now for someone trying to simultaneously pay for a book, distract LaTr on the phone and convince Stuart MacLean that you're not a psycho, the next move is obvious. You say to LaTr on the phone, loudly, "Yeah, he's standing right beside me. I'm touching his arm." and grab Stuart MacLean. Then before he can press charges, you grab your receipt and book and run away.

Fuck my friends are cool.

Kicker - I was obviously so engrossed in listening to JeHa's tale that I completely missed the fact that SaRo was sitting at another table in Future's waiting for me. We never did meet up, and now she's back in Ottawa. Moral of the story - daylight savings creates chaos, but from out of chaos will rise other friends. Ones with funny stories.


Blogger Toxic Chi said...

fuck, your friends ARE cool.

10:00 PM  
Anonymous radiorocket said...

So I said to the guy who was in charge of WDUQ's "a Prairie Home Companion in Pittsburgh" event when he said "Isn't Garrison Keillor the greatest?"... "Sure, he's...great. Granted, he's no Stewart MacLean, you can't expect everything, but he's carved out a nice niche for himself."

I consider the exchange a highpoint in my scrapbook of Yankee-Doodle smackdowns.

For whatever that's worth.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Roro said...

I was TOTALLY thinking about this story last night at Allen's where Katr and I had an opportunity to grope Rick Mercer! He's so cute! He was looking kinda shifty though, and as he made his way out of the restaurant, a server ran after him, all in a rush. Was the Merc engaging in a little dine and dash? Unlikely - but the man is rascally . . . even if he is no Stuart MacLean

9:10 AM  

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